I may not be the girl you want me to be.
I may not be the girl I want myself to be.
I may not be her.
I may not be perfect.
I may not be ideal.
But you know what?
Being ideal doesn’t mean being happy.
If anything, I’m overrated. I’m expected to be so much more than I can be. I know, I shouldn’t be living for others. But here’s the catch. I expect myself to be more than I can be.
Self-esteem, they say. Confidence. There’s nothing wrong with aiming high. But sometimes, that’s not all it is. Cause where there are expectations, there is space for disappointment. You get disappointed when something doesn’t go as expected. So when I expect more of myself than what I’m capable of, things tend to go wrong. I get disappointed. I get hurt. And then I ask myself, “Why does life treat me so badly? Why me?”. Then I curl up in bed and cry my eyes out.
Sound familiar?
Maybe you respond the same way I do to disasters. Maybe you too ask the same question. Maybe you too have once upon a time found a comfortable spot somewhere under those sheets. Maybe you too have cried gallons of tears, maybe you too have gotten your heart broken a million and two times.
It seems like human nature, doesn’t it? Seems impossible that there’s one girl on Earth who’s never gone through that phase once in her lifetime. In fact, there might be some who spend their entire lives not ever growing out of it. Some who lie on their death bed blaming God for their miserable lives.
Cause when something goes wrong, it’s only natural that we blame it on someone else. We blame it on our parents. We blame it on our teachers. We blame it on our friends, our brothers, our sisters, our grandmothers. We blame it on God. It’s always the same question: “Why does life treat me so badly? Why me?”. “Why?”. But here’s something you don’t often wonder: “Why do I treat myself so badly?”.
Think about it. Has that ever crossed your mind? Have you ever once stopped to think, that maybe it’s not your parents’ fault. It’s not your teachers’, bothers’, sisters’, grandmothers’ faults. It’s not God’s fault. Maybe all this while, you could’ve been happy. Maybe you could’ve cured yourself from the misery. Maybe it’s your fault.
Well, I guess no one really wants to think that it’s his/her fault. No one wants to be wrong. No one wants to think that everyone else is right.
